Horse Trail Chicks

We’ve been hearing the word “essential” a lot lately. “Non-essential” businesses have been forced to close. “Non-essential” workers have been laid off. We are instructed to avoid all “non-essential” travel and activities.

But how do we define “essential?” And who decides what is essential?

Don’t get me wrong – the restrictions that have been put in place are necessary. In Vermont, schools, restaurants, bars, hair salons, and many other entities were shuttered early on and the governor issued a stay-at-home order in late-March. As a result, Vermont has had relatively few cases and flattened the curve rapidly. I work in infection prevention at a hospital, so I support these measures and know that they have been effective.

At the same time, I hate that this is happening and I hate that some workers are deemed “non-essential,” and that some the activities that I love – such as horseback riding – are considered not essential. When I heard the stay-at-home order had been issued, I was not surprised but it made me lose my mind. At the time, I was working 12-14 hour days, 6 days a week at the hospital, and the thought that I could not see my horse on my one day off – the only thing that could actually take my mind off the situation – was more than I could bear. At home, my mind stayed on COVID, going round and round, worrying about what was going to happen next and if I had made the right decisions at work. Allowed activities such as walking, biking, and even reading were not effective at calming my mind.

When I am with my horse my mind is fully engaged, whether I am grooming or riding or even cleaning tack. And right now he is the only living being that I can actually touch and give physical love to and get a little love back (even though I know his “affection” is really just treat-seeking, I can pretend he loves me!). So to me, and I am sure many others, being around my horse is essential to my mental health.

I am extremely fortunate to be considered an “essential” worker and still have my job. I grieve for people who have lost their jobs, not just for the lack of income, but for being deemed “non-essential.” What does this do to one’s psyche? It seems to imply that one’s work is trivial, unimportant. But this could not be further from the truth. Yes, I can live without getting my hair cut for months and I’d rather have unruly hair than die of COVID. But in normal times my hair stylist helps me to feel good – partly because she does my hair well but we also share our love of horses. I would never call her “non-essential.”

The arts are often the first thing to go in hard times. When schools have financial problems, they cut art classes. Funding for arts organizations is never guaranteed. Some people think that art is fluffy, frivolous. Yet art reflects our human experience and is absolutely necessary to our well-being. Think of how the Taliban banned music as a weapon to crush people’s souls, and how Afghani people secretly used music to maintain their strength.

During the darkest days of the initial COVID response, one song kept me going – Pick Me Up, Dust Me Off by Carleton Stone. It’s a song about uncertainty and death. About how we get our hearts broken and yet we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and go on. Every day is a new day, and we just go on.

Whatever you are going through, please remember that you are a human being who is precious and essential. You have permission to feel what you are feeling, whether it is despair, gratitude, hope, hopelessness, or anything else.

We are going to get through this and come out better on the other side.

Monica